So far, this blog has mainly been about break ups. The saddest thing about that though, would have to be the repetitive break up/getting back together process with the same guy. As I’m writing this, the same thing may or may not be going on. Pick a better topic. I have so much to say, yet the only thing I come on here to write about is about a boy who breaks my heart. If you would like, lets have a fresh start at this.
letting go is harder than you think.
after each break up, you cry a little more or maybe a little less.
by the time it’s the final straw, you have no more tears left to cry.
you’ve accepted the defeat.
cheers to the process of letting go.
The last time I came on here I wrote about the hurt after a break up. To say the least, it’s been one heck of a roller coaster. It’s been a while, but I’m back.
“you won’t make it on your own.”
For a very long time I knew that I did not want to leave my hometown or my parents when it came down to me leaving for college. Now, this was very far away as I was only in middle school when I made this decision. I have anxiety. This alone could be a whole other blog post on its own, but because of my anxiety, I allowed it to influence my decision and trick me into thinking this was what I wanted. Out of all the things I’m anxious about, one of the hardest things for me to cope with is to be left alone. To break this down for you, I have separational anxiety. This is what kept me from wanting to go out and experience the world I was so unknown to.
Fast forward a few years and I’m a senior. The anxiety that I’ve dealt with was not the only thing that changed but my decision on wanting to leave my hometown, the valley, has also changed. To start off, I’ve found a way to cope with the constant worry going on in my head.. to an extent. The reasoning as to why I’m ready to go out and fend for myself, I’m not sure. Whether it’s because I’ve actually just gained some courage to just put myself out there, or because I’m absolutely losing it. Either or, it’s a good thing. I might be absolutely mad to think I’ll be able to afford my college tuition on my own but I know there’s no way my parents will help me out if I decide to just wake up on the first day of summer, pack my bags, and hit the road.
As much as I would like to be like Shawn Mendes and say (sing), “There’s nothin’ holding me back,” that’s a lie. I unfortunately have a lot of things holding me back. From this point, I just have to see where life takes me in these next four months. I’ll keep ya updated.